Tag Archives: Faith

The Uncertainty Bubble

It’s been six months since my last post, and life it completely different. In six months:

* Edgar has begun and completed training at Officer Candidate School in Newport, RI. Here’s the thing–he’s still there. Due to some medical clearance complications, he is in student pool while we wade through all the protocols to get his clearance, commission, and orders. It’s been a trip, I tell ya what! And we still don’t know when he’ll get to leave.

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(Following the OCS graduation ceremony in Newport, RI)

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(Ed gifted me some newborn N-Dubs! N-Dubs of course referring to NWUs, Navy Working Uniform)

* I have moved us out of our house in Plainview. Most of our earthly belongings currently reside in a POD in Lubbock, while I have been camping out in my parents’ house in Fort Worth since May. 

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(I moved out of our house the day before the 28th week of my pregnancy)

* I’m currently 36 weeks pregnant. This pregnancy has exceeded everyone’s expectations and has had zero complications. Definitely a blessing amidst all of life’s uncertainty right now! I was told I may not make it to 34 weeks. 34 weeks came and went. I was told I may go into preterm labor. I’ll be “full term” in 3 days and my body hasn’t done anything out of the ordinary. I was told my baby may have growth restriction. My uterus has done nothing but accommodate and has been measuring LARGE with a still-quite-active baby. I was told there’s a good chance he (yes, HE!) would be breech. He was head-down until a few days before my 32 week ultrasound when he decided to somersault on me. After a weekend of inversions and frozen veggie compresses, he flipped back to vertex and has been that way ever since.

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(Baby BOY at 22w5d. He looks just like his daddy!)

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(My most recent belly shot. 36 weeks!)

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(My sister did some beautiful maternity shots for me several weeks back! She’s on Facebook. Check her out!)

I’ve been living in a bubble of uncertainty for quite some time now. Nothing really has gone “as expected.” We were expecting Edgar to graduate, come back to Plainview one last time, and move with me to Pensacola where we would set up house and prepare for our new baby, together, in the comfort of our own home. Now,  there is a makeshift nursery set up in the corner of my sister’s room, and I’ve been sharing a bed with her. We aren’t sure if Edgar will be able to make it down in time for the birth, and we have no idea when we will be able to move, and at this point we’re not even sure where we are going. 

This sort of uncertainty would devastate some people. I will admit it’s hard, and there are times where we feel more hopeless than faithful. But I also remember that it is in these moments that God teaches me His most important lessons. It has been my experience that the best decisions in life have happened when I really had no choice but to trust Him. It is also in these times that God has spoken through my husband’s sense of intuition to teach me that I can’t depend on “evidence” all the time. God will get us through. He always has. He always does. That is His promise.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry,whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength Philippians 4:12-13

 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

 

New Horizons

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I took this picture en route to Lubbock this past Saturday morning. My purpose in driving an hour away in the early dawn was this—my Zumba Instructor Certification. This past weekend, I officially became licensed to teach Zumba Basic. And as thrilled as this makes me, this is only a small part of the great big horizon toward which I now move.

 

Today I awoke with a new song of peace.

For almost a year now I’ve known, through prayer and growing conviction, that I would not be working full-time this fall. We didn’t know when or how it would happen, and even though Edgar was cautious at first, I felt a confidence that everything would work out in His time. And when the time came, Edgar recognized it before I did.

That time came less than two weeks ago.

I write this now, no longer as an employee at Wayland. Learning and serving at Wayland has taught me so much and has equipped me for this next step in my life. For a while now Edgar and I have felt that my purpose in direct service as full-time staff at Wayland (or anywhere) was coming to an end. Now it is time for me to serve my family, my career goals, and to walk in obedience through faith. The path we have chosen in not a popular decision, nor well understood, but I have found that the most important decisions I have made in my life did not come without a significant amount of human risk and require a great deal of trust in God. And God has never let me down.

Next week I begin working part-time at a local coffee shop. I will also be pursuing Zumba instruction in the near future, and possibly leveling classes for graduate school. But more importantly, I think, I will be able to serve my home, my blog, my health, and my loved ones with a far greater capacity than before. I am learning that stability does not always equal balance, and I continue to learn that faith does not come without risk. And this is a risk we are wholeheartedly ready to make.

 

“…I [, Jesus,] have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” – John 10:10

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight” – Proverbs 3:5-6

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Accent Vlog! Plus, my faith.

 

Hey everyone! Peeps just left and I’ve finally got my accent video done!

I don’t really have a lisp, so I don’t know what that was about. But now that I hear myself, I do kinda have a Southern accent. I blame Plainview. I sound like a hick every time I visit my family in Fort Worth.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQeidM8gRJQ]


Background:
I am from Fort Worth, Texas, and my parents are from Missouri/North Carolina and Texas. I was raised in Texas all my life.

Edgar is from a small country town (Canadian, TX) barely on this side of the Texas line. His dad grew up in El Paso and his mom is from Oklahoma. He has also lived in Texas all his life.

Kris was born in Fort Worth, lived his first few years there, moved to Florida for a few years in grade school, then came back to the Promised Land Texas. He has spent most his life since then in a small town just outside Houston. His parents are both Texans.

Justin’s dad is a pastor and he has traveled all over the country, including New Mexico and Oregon, and has family in Missouri. He doesn’t claim a state.

Aubrey has lived in California and Wyoming. She also doesn’t claim a state.

By the way, I looked it up and the other word for roly poly I was trying to think of was pill bug!

Kris says we should start a morning talk show.

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30 Day Challenge 
Day 4-
My views on religion.

Well, I certainly don’t try to hide my faith.

I grew up in a Christian home. I’ve been going to Baptist churches all my life. When I was homeschooled I was a part of several different Christian homeschool groups. I graduated from a Baptist University and now work there.

But none of this makes me a Christian.

While I’ve believed in God for as long as I can remember, I didn’t make my faith my own until I was 14. I didn’t experience an actual relationship with God until 2003 when I participated in my first mission trip and saw God’s hand working so perfectly and obviously. I had spent the year prior in darkness as I struggled with interpersonal issues with a depressed/self-mutilating friend with whom I was toxically codependent. I boarded the bus numb to the world, but just a few days later found myself standing the middle of a dirty street in Mexico in awesome realization that God had always been there through all my struggles, and He was so much bigger than any burden I carried. I realized the incredible feeling of being small, and it was beautiful. His greater plan for me was so much better than anything I could dream up in my shortsighted, feeble mind.

I look back at my perspective of life the day I left for that trip. It was dark and gray. Just 8 days later, the days permanently switched to light. It’s been almost eight years and even thought I’ve struggled with heartbreak and uncertainty, I have never felt as hopeless as I did before meeting God face to face on that mission trip.

I know it’s not typical for people to change overnight. But I’m living proof that it’s possible. Letting go of my plans and allowing God to move them was was set the entire rest of my life into motion. It was easily the most pivotal week of my entire life.

If I hadn’t gone on that mission trip, I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this blog post today.

On that trip, I met someone who would be my very best friend for the next three years. Through him I learned what it meant to know God, to delight in Him, to be in communion with Him, and to see others the way that God saw them. I learned what it meant to love, which is what God is all about. I learned what it meant to trust God, which is something I’ve always struggled with. I still do, but I do have a hope that I cling to:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”
Jeremiah 29:11-14 (NIV)

That verse is the hope on which I have gripped for the past 8 years. That hope has led me to Wayland, to Edgar, to this job which has led me to get healthy, this confidence, the love and friendship I have in my life. I know peace because I’ve actively trusted God. I know hope because I’ve seen my life fall to ruin and be resurrected so much better than before, on every occasion. I know love because I’ve hurt and been hurt. I’ve opened up my flaws and accepted them in others. I’ve given up my own good and have others sacrifice for me.

God delivered me from more than my sin. He delivered me from more than an eternity of hell. He gave me my earthly life back in spades. He never promised me I wouldn’t struggle, but He promised that I would have a way through it. He never promised I would get everything I wanted, but He promised I would get everything I needed. Where there is darkness, there is now light. Where there was uncertainty, there is now trust. Where there was fear, there is now peace. Where there was dread, there is now hope. Where there was heartbreak, there is now fullness of heart. Where there was brokenness, there is now healing. Where there was selfishness, I now know, see, and experience love on every good and perfect level.

I didn’t get there by going to church, or by reading the Bible, or believing in a “higher power.” I got there because He who is so much bigger than me brought Himself down to my level so that He and I could see face to face. He took me in His arms and I opened my eyes for the first time. I saw His face and wept tears of joy. I gave Him all I had and He gave me riches, and I’ve done nothing to deserve it. 

My religion is hardly about religion at all.
It’s about relationship.
It’s about love.
It’s about hope, peace, and faith.
It’s about forgiveness.
It’s seeing how small we are compared to how big He is.
Wanting what He wants and seeing as He sees.
Choosing to live in His world instead of the trivial one we’ve created for ourselves.
It’s about sacrifice. “He died for me, so I will live for Him.”
It’s about realizing how depraved we are, how we’ve spit in His face, but He still forgives us when we ask, loves us even when we don’t, and offers us a role in his magnificent plan if we choose. He doesn’t need us, but He wants us.
It’s about wanting, seeking, and loving Him back.

 

So, do I have a funny accent???

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