Tag Archives: Change

What change a year has brought

 

2012 was a year of subtle, but important change. I didn’t change jobs or do anything drastic like that, like I had in 2011. 2012 was quiet and subdued for the most part, it was a year of preparation for what is to come in 2013.

 

In May, Edgar completed his double-major in Business and Music, and began a journey toward a commission in the U.S. Navy. Shortly after my last post, he received his professional recommendation, then his final select letter, then official swore in a few weeks ago. He will be leaving in a few short weeks to begin his training as a Naval officer.

Around that same time, we discovered another equally exciting pieces of news, which has turned our world upside down in the best way possible:

 

 

Baby Rollins has been given an estimated due date of 8/14/13, though given my double uterus, could be expected to come in July!

This is why I haven’t posted lately. I have been sick between the flu and morning sickness and relentless fatigue, but this week I am working to push forward through the progesterone-induced fog and get this house ready for our impending move, and revive my writing.

Sometime soon, I will go into a bit more detail of the changes I went through before getting pregnant (hint: it involves a lot of eggs and butterfat). For me, conceiving without medication or struggle, while having PCOS, was a big deal, and it deserves its own post.

 

What major change has the last year brought for you?

New Horizons

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I took this picture en route to Lubbock this past Saturday morning. My purpose in driving an hour away in the early dawn was this—my Zumba Instructor Certification. This past weekend, I officially became licensed to teach Zumba Basic. And as thrilled as this makes me, this is only a small part of the great big horizon toward which I now move.

 

Today I awoke with a new song of peace.

For almost a year now I’ve known, through prayer and growing conviction, that I would not be working full-time this fall. We didn’t know when or how it would happen, and even though Edgar was cautious at first, I felt a confidence that everything would work out in His time. And when the time came, Edgar recognized it before I did.

That time came less than two weeks ago.

I write this now, no longer as an employee at Wayland. Learning and serving at Wayland has taught me so much and has equipped me for this next step in my life. For a while now Edgar and I have felt that my purpose in direct service as full-time staff at Wayland (or anywhere) was coming to an end. Now it is time for me to serve my family, my career goals, and to walk in obedience through faith. The path we have chosen in not a popular decision, nor well understood, but I have found that the most important decisions I have made in my life did not come without a significant amount of human risk and require a great deal of trust in God. And God has never let me down.

Next week I begin working part-time at a local coffee shop. I will also be pursuing Zumba instruction in the near future, and possibly leveling classes for graduate school. But more importantly, I think, I will be able to serve my home, my blog, my health, and my loved ones with a far greater capacity than before. I am learning that stability does not always equal balance, and I continue to learn that faith does not come without risk. And this is a risk we are wholeheartedly ready to make.

 

“…I [, Jesus,] have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” – John 10:10

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight” – Proverbs 3:5-6

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Hero

Not having a great deal of food in the house paired with the fact that I’m trying to limit cow’s dairy can be lame sometimes.

Or inspire creativity.

Yesterday I packed a quick breakfast to eat at my desk.

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Blackberries, blueberries, and pomegranate swimming in light coconut milk, with the last of my Uncle Sam cereal mixed in at the last minute. It looks grainy because it kinda was (my leftover bag of coconut milk had seen the microwave  a few too many times). Didn’t taste grainy, though, so I guess that’s all that matters. 😛

I stole an idea from Courtney in creating my lunch. The other day she tweeted about having a goat cheese, avocado, and red sweet pepper quesadilla, and I decided that was way more fun than a peanut butter sandwich.

I used some corn tortillas I had on hand and loaded them with goat cheese, avocado, half a red pepper I carefully haphazardly roasted over my gas range, grilled chicken, and spinach.

I have a problem with overloading my quesadillas. I always feel the need to increase my veggies.

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Mmm. My photography needs serious work.

This was so good that I’m making this for lunch again tomorrow, only I’m putting it in a pita instead!!!

For dinner I ate some pan-fried chicken, steamed drowned-in-sea-water broccoli, and some roasted delicata squash I seasoned with rubbed sage and salt.

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Yum. Frying anything is a rarity in my house!

But dark chocolate isn’t.

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30 Day Challenge
Day 5: A time you thought about ending your own life

I mentioned in my previous 30 Day Challenge entry that I had a dark period in my life in early high school. During that particular year I had all the classic signs of depression: couldn’t sleep, couldn’t concentrate, was always tired, lost interest in things I usually loved, was involved in a codependent relationship with someone who was far worse off than I was, had a general dark and bitter outlook on the world, felt hopeless and misunderstood (ah, 13 year olds), was emotional and didn’t know how to express myself constructively. I don’t remember having much of an appetite, but I gained quite a bit of weight that year. But I was never suicidal. I never remotely believed that death was an answer to anything. Maybe it was my upbringing; maybe it was my faith; maybe it was my common sense, but suicide wasn’t an option.

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(A blurry picture of my sister, Holly, and me during an end-of-semester program for my homeschool group back in December, 2002, right as my depression was setting in)

In a way I’m thankful for that year. I’m thankful in the “you know light because you’ve known darkness” way, but also because that experience made me a little more aware, a little more sensitive, a little less naïve about the world we live in. Something in me permanently changed as a result of that year. Peers who were dealing with issues much deeper and darker than I ever had were drawn to me, even though they knew nothing of my prior struggles and I wasn’t depressed when they met me. I became unspeakably approachable to them, in part because I was never part of the “in” crowd anyway, and that year helped me (even if I went overboard in expressing it at age 13) in being confident in my individuality. I tended to (and still often do) move against the mainstream. It was easy for me to empathize with the darkness I saw in others, but I was also grounded in reality and in my faith. I was a constant for many people who came in and out of my life. I was someone they could talk to without judgment. I was someone who could relate to what they were feeling, if only distantly. I was someone who would try to understand and care about them as a whole soul, a whole human being, instead of passing them off as “weird,” “messed up,” or a “punk kid.” I had friends dabble in Satanic worship, and I was there for them when they came out of it. I’ve had friends struggle with eating disorders, self-mutilation, promiscuity, self esteem issues, physical abuse, drugs, rape, prostitution, abortion, mental disorders, and yes, even attempted suicide. On one occasion, my friend Brandon had me to talk to a friend of his who was having self esteem issues. I became friends with this particular person, and a year later he told me that he was about to attempt suicide (for the third time) that night we first spoke, but something I said stopped him. It’s been seven years and he hasn’t attempted suicide since.    

I don’t say all this to toot my own horn or anything. I share this because even though I’ve never considered attempting suicide, I’ve known what it’s like to feel hopeless, alone, and misunderstood. I can clearly see what drives people to get involved in questionable activities and sometimes even attempt suicide. The people that deal with these issues usually look just like you and me. They look “normal.” They often blend in. We’re all human beings with souls and a purpose, and we all struggle. The difference is experience and how we deal with them. And we all need to open our minds and our hearts to those whose perspectives we might not understand. It just might save somebody’s life.

 

I could share many different songs that deal with this subject, but I’ll leave you with two of my favorites:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zv7xaDZoto]

 

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pm4qHWixz8]

Have you ever been a hero to someone?
Who has been a hero to you?

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